The first time I tried to use twitter I used it wrong. Three years later I’m still not entirely sure how it works, or what I’m supposed to do or exactly how this specific sub-culture works.
It’s beyond frustrating.
When we discuss ableism, or how ableism is and isn’t addressed in other spaces, I find that so often myself and others like me are left out of the conversation.
There’s this implied idea that if you can’t find the discussion, if you don’t understand the content or how the content is presented. If it is overwhelming, and otherwise inaccessible,
Well we don’t consider it inaccessible.
Everyone else is fine, right?
Why consider the needs of those who are not there, or those who have to use all there energy for this one “simple” task? (sarcasm)
In the end, I become the most frustrated with myself. I’m disappointed that I can’t navigate things the way I wish, annoyed that I don’t understand, and lacking the energy and time to put in the many hours I would need to for what others consider small tasks.
I have let myself disappear.
I wish I had more to say or something to contradict, but that’s the truth.
It has been too hard, to exhausting, to painful.
And I have found it so much easier to just disappear.
This is not what I want. I’m not sure how or when but I will be around trying to fix things up. I will be trying to fix something up that works for me.
I still exist.